We could've just taken a taxi.
A $20 million painting-- It might not go over well with the client.
That client's not even gonna notice.
Amanda, even a guy thatrich would notice.
We could roll it up, put it under our arms and get on the M? tro.
What are you saying?
It's a perfectly good oil painting being donated to a museum.
It's a complete waste. It's a complete tax write-off.
I'm just saying it would be so easy to just--
Don't even.
# Baby, you're a star
# You're gonna be the next big thing # - Shame.
# Baby, you are on the way
# Honey, to Hollywood
# Well, God it's great to see you
# And how the hell have you been
# I don't believe you've met my agent
# He's a miracle machine
# Baby, you're a star
So Wolfe isn't working alone. Find out who the blonde is.
All yours, safe and sound.
All right. We'll take it from here.
Sign these.
And then initial here.
Ah. That's it.
Piece of cake. Yep.
Just remind me again. Why did you want to come along?
I'm just curious, you know. I've never actuallyreturned anything to a museum before.
Seems indecent. Hmm.
You're early. Check the time.
All right. Let's go. I don't get it.
That painting's worth 20 million, and we can't even get a raise.
I'm very proud of you.
Why? You didn't steal anything.
Oh, I'm glad you noticed. Try meditating on the rewards of virtue.
Okay. A check with many, many zeroes.
Light?
Where? Inside.
Try the... lock.
Forget it. There's not enough time.
Freeze! Don't move!
Piece of cake. Mmm.
She is immortal.
A thousand years old and she cannot die.
A creature of legend...
like the raven,
a thief who stole the sun and the moon.
They sent a warrior to bring her back.
He found her.
Together, they brought back light to the world.
I was a cop.
To me she was just a thief,
another day on the job.
But she wasn't-- She changed my life, changed everything.
And both of us knew from that moment on,
nothing would ever be the same.
Inspector!
So the thief had just vanished, just like that?
Without a trace.
- Makes no sense. - Exactly.
Okay. Bear with me for a moment, could you?
- Let's try this once again. - Why don't you add horns and a rhythm section this time?
I'm just trying to make sense of it, huh?
Anything you can do to help?
I dropped off the painting. The guard signed for it.
I got the receipt. The receipt's right there on your desk.
Mm-hmm. That's when you started to leave? We left a lot faster.
'Cause you were done, right? Very done.
Stick a fork in us.
And then you turned around and you came back inside.
I told you. I heard something.
Yes, that's what you told me. You heard something.
Through three feet of stone.
She has excellent hearing. Mm-hmm.
And then you took out your gun and shot to open the door.
We knocked first.
All right. This is over. Either charge us or let us go.
Don't be so impatient, Mr. Wolfe. Huh?
What would you think if you were me?
A room with bar windows, one door and two people inside...
who should have left 20 minutes before.
-I'm thinking breakfast. -Good idea. Good-bye, Inspector.
Sure. You're free to leave.
It's sad that you won't be joining us.
I said you can go, Mr. Wolfe.
The charming lady with the excellent hearing stays with me.
Ah. Small rooms. Fluorescent lighting. No shopping.
This is not what you promised me, Nick.
November, '89.
Madame Charmand discovers her emerald collection missing.
July, '93. Mr. Gustave seems to have lost his yacht.
I was never charged. Never convicted.
Huh. April, '96.
A van Gogh collection is missing more than a year.
I'm never going to a museum with you ever again.
Mr. Wolfe, I saw your file.
I'd hate to find out a good cop was in on this.
You won't. Her either.
I've got an original painting by Antonio Ravelli missing...
and a known art thief on the scene.
Gorgeous. Angry. Amanda likes him.
Just my type.
Find me a better suspect.
That's your job.
I'm thinking Jamaica and Cuba.
Quite right, Your Grace. Expanding the whole term to the Caribbean.
You said the next time there was an investment opportunity, I should--
Excellent.
We'll talk at the races.
Of course. Ringing off.
Lovely man.
I shagged his daughter in a china closet in Kensington Palace...
the day I got my O. B. E.
You cost me 10 million quid.
I'll get the painting back.
Will you? Can't tell you how reassured I am.
Who else knew the route and the timetable?
Apart from you and your... partner?
And the packing firm and the insurance company and the maid's fianc? --
How about the butler?
Better yet, someone the police already have in custody.
Inspector Colbert called you.
Twenty minutes ago.
I hired you, Wolfe, on Bert Myers's recommendation.
What the hell was this woman doing on the job?
Not stealing your painting.
When I was 12, I had the most incredible bag of marbles.
Cat's-eyes.
Billy Donnelly decided to relieve me of them.
Twelve stitches over his eye.
Still got the scar.
And me-- I got my marbles back.
And his.
That's how you build an empire, Wolfe.
One bloody marble at a time.
And nobody screws with you.
It's too bad we're not on the playground anymore.
Take your check and get out.
Buy yourself some new marbles.
Ah, that's the most time I've spent with the French police in three centuries.
I went to see Trevor. Did you get paid?
Let's go. You didn't get the check?
I didn't do the job. You delivered the painting.
It got stolen. But it wasn't your fault.
It was my responsibility. Right. So now you're guilty and broke.
You know what? What?
I'll walk. What did I say?
Cubans. How very lovely.
Didn't find our way back to the flock last night, did we, lass?
Believe me. It's not what you think.
Oh, God. Not you too.
He's always been a warm friend to the parish, Amanda.
New pews. Online access for every student.
- Tickets to the Spice Girls. - Sir Trevor.
A million dollars reward he's offering.
Wouldn't it be lovely if someone was to return the painting...
and donate the money to the parish?
What's the name of it again? It'sNude with--
Cabernet. Exactly.
I didn't do it, Liam. Did I say that?
It's what you meant. Oh, Liam.
Why don't you stay, and we can smoke cigars and drink champagne.
I'd love to, but I can't. I've got a big game of hoops against St. Bart's.
How wonderful to see you, Amanda.
Oh, Jade. What a surprise. How long has it been?
Who can remember that long ago?
Oh, no, no, no, no. It's on the tip of my brain.
Let's see. Constantinople. The Benischke rock.
Somebody stole it before I had a chance to.
Oh, let's just say I got lucky.
I had the flu.
You don't look very well, Amanda.
Oh, and I was just going to say how flattering that costume is on you.
This old thing? Flattery will get you nowhere.
Just trying to be kind.
I hope you're not here for the reason I think you're here.
- You know I've gotten better. - Of course you have, darling.
Obviously. You're out of jail.
I'm leaving with that 52 perfect karat tonight.
- I don't think so. - The diamond's mine, Amanda.
Oh, Jade, you have such an active imagination.
There is one option.
Work together?
No. No.
I think there's only one way to settle this.
High card wins.
Queen of diamonds.
That's four times in three decades, Jade.
Don't you love a coincidence?
Two of clubs. How shocking.
Well, you know the saying. "There can be only one"?
The diamond's mine.
Hey there. Cute costume.
They made us all wear them. I'm not really a Beefeater.
I'm a guard.
So brave. Such a dangerous job.
- I'm a married man. - My favorite kind.
They're always so much more grateful.
Cigar?
- Lovely. Ta. - Light?
Thanks.
I'm telling you. It's her.
Hello, boys.
You know the saying. "The diamond's mine"?
No. The other one:
"It's not what you steal. It's how much you keep. "
Precisely. Mmm.
Cute costume.
Not this time, Jade.
Merci.
You look like a man that could do with a 25-year-old.
Scotch.
Hi. My name's Jade. What's yours?
Twice in two days. We've got to stop meeting like this.
Liam, has anyone new come to confession--
someone tall, dark and completely untrustworthy?
You'll have to give me a little more than that.
All right. She's younger than I am, but she looks centuries older.
That could be a lot of people. She robs poor boxes.
Jade's back in town.
Amanda, she robbed from the poor box to help feed her sisters.
She told you that?
Liam, she doesn't have any sisters.
You still haven't forgiven her for Genoa.
That's because adultery is a sin.
That's very good, Amanda. Now name me the other nine.
She took him from me before I could refuse his proposal. After you stole him from her--
You two, whatever one has, the other wants. WhateverIhave, she wants.
Well, I'd think you'd be flattered. You've seen her.
No. You're going to.
Maybe. Well, when you do, you tell her...
to please give back what she took, because I'm not playing anymore.
A thousand years. I'm staying out of it, Amanda.
Okay. You know, I noticed that your roof was looking a little ragged.
I think you should take up that collection we were talking about.
Sir Trevor? What are you saying?
Jade has his painting.
It's been a jazz club as long as anyone can remember.
Um, Coleman Hawkins.
Charlie Byrd. Charlie Byrd.
Do you remember Sidney Bechet?
Yeah. A clarinet player in the '20s. Mm-hmm.
He had the most beautiful hands. So they tell me.
They say you can tell a lot about a man by his hands.
Really? Mm-hmm.
Oh, you've-- you've lost something very valuable,
and, um, you've had an argument with a friend.
Oh, dear. A deeply, deeply troubled friend.
A terrible day.
Oh, it's getting better.
Oh, and you have really bad luck with platinum blondes.
I had no idea it was such a specific science.
May I? Yeah. Sure.
Ahhh, well.
Your beauty never fades. Oh, you know that?
Mm-hmm. It's right here.
I have to confess something to you.
- I've done this before. - Held hands?
Read palms. Oh, look at this. It says you're very stubborn.
Mm-hmm.
And your lifeline goes on forever.
But that would be impossible, wouldn't it?
Your check, monsieur. Merci.
I'm sorry.
Look what you did!
Relax. Relax. Relax, my ass!
I met a friend of yours today.
Jade has great taste in scotch.
You fell for it. Actually, she reminds me of you.
Me? Mm-hmm.
Really? Really.
But she's so manipulative. No?
Oh, completely untrustworthy. Imagine that.
She uses everybody. Nothing like you.
Oh, I'm so glad you understand. Tell me at least you got the number.
She'll be calling. You spent all afternoon with her?
An hour and a half. Did you get an address? Can we get the canvas?
Oh, we were busy. Too busy to make the game?
The ga-- The game! You didn't miss much. 63-28.
Yes! We lost.
No.
Amanda? Yes.
Jade's address. Ah.
Uh-- Don't worry, Liam. I know it's just a painting.
It's not worth a head.
Is that for me?
I'll take the cash.
I'll take the painting.
Cash first.
Not today.
That's not the agreement I've got with Sir Trevor.
Sir Trevor's not here right now. You're dealing with me.
Well, I don't do assistants.
Then you walk without the cash.
You sure she's here?
Trust me. She's here.
Am I not speaking English?
Just shut up and give me the painting.
Trust me. You're making a mistake.
I'll never get used to this.
Grab him! Hold him! Sorry. Excuse me.
What are you doing?
Where's Nick?
Don't change the subject.
All right. Where's the guy who shot me? That's changing the subject.
I give up, Jade. Whatdoyou want to talk about?
You owe me! Me?
Talk to the guy with the gun.
I had it under control.
Jade, if I didn't show up, you were gonna lose the money and the canvas.
- Now I'm supposed to thank you? - No, Jade. Now you're supposed to get out of town.
Make me!
Just leave. Don't write. Don't call. Don't visit.
Uh-uh!
The painting stays with me, Jade.
- But I stole it. - And you lost it.
All right, Amanda. High card wins.
Mm-mmm. Not playing that game anymore.
You think you're above it all. I know you better than that.
You don't know me at all, darling.
You're not getting it. Just leave it.
Excuse me, ladies.
As you were.
It's been going on for more centuries than I care to remember.
So who started it? I don't know.
And after 700 years, I don't care.
Why don't you ask her? She's not exactly an open book.
Well, things change. People change.
I mean, Amanda has. How?
Well, there's a little gleam in her eye.
It's still mischievous-like, but it's different.
Amanda says to the world, "Now this is who I am. "
And Jade says? Jade says, "I'm better than her. "
That's sibling rivalry. Yeah. I know something about that.
My brother-- He still doesn't know what he wants to be.
But one thing's for sure. He's gotta be better than me.
So when was the last time you spoke to this brother of yours?
Ah, it's been a while.
He was four when they adopted me, so I'm the intruder.
So what happened?
It's a long story. His name's Aaron.
Aaron. That was Moses' brother. The other brother.
Well, don't feel too sorry for him.
If it wasn't for the other brother, I would never have learned how to fight.
Well, perhaps he's changed. I think it's too late for that.
Now you sound like Amanda talkin' about Jade.
People used to say the same thing about Amanda, and now look at her.
She's about to return a valuable painting.
That would never have happened in the past.
You think it's a phase? Not if we keep the faith.
You do that. I'm just gonna try and keep my sanity.
Window shopping?
That's very funny. Hmm.
You're unusually quiet this evening.
Oh, I'm always quiet in the presence of beauty.
Why, thank you.
I don't know. Museums, places like this, they make me feel small.
Well, it's complicated.
Mmm.
I mean, like this--
It's unfinished. It's half done.
Headless.
Well, we're all works in progress, aren't we?
Some more than others.
Ladies and gentlemen, mesdames et messieurs,
thank you all for coming this evening...
to see this wonderful unveiling.
Um, it's been an eventful week.
but I'm glad to say that, um, the right thing has happened...
and we have this picture returned to you.
Jacopo Robusti, Adam and Eve,16th century.
She's tempting him.
Maybe if not for her, there'd be no sin.
Ah. But if there were no sin, there'd be no need for forgiveness.
Hold onto that thought.
But before we do the unveiling,
I must thank a few people, of course,
without whom this painting would not be on show here today.
This is my favorite part. This is one of my favorites from my humble collection.
Now, I don't know her name, but please raise a glass...
to the Nude with Cabernet,
whoever she was.
Imagine that.
And you don't believe in happy endings.
Museum gets their painting. Jade gets to disappear.
Liam gets a new roof. There's only one thing missing.
There's one thing I hate more than being wrong, and that's apologizing for it.
Try. Don't know what got into me, really.
Oh, try harder. It's just that the painting means so much to me personally.
So, no hard feelings?
No. Just make sure this check is good, Sir Trevor.
Well, then,
commendations to you both.
Oh, there's the Earl of Batham.
Eddie! Eddie!
My God.
It's official. I have returned something of value to a museum.
And they say people can never change. Do you really believe that?
That you are born a certain way, and you remain that way until you die?
Me? I think people can learn from their mistakes.
At least they can try. Mm-hmm.
Oh, this is bad. I don't know. Elegant use of line.
No. Seriously bad.
Nice form. Like an early Braque, Kandinsky.
Really? You don't have to like it, Amanda.
We earned the money. Let's just take it and run.
Yeah. Far and fast, because we're gonna end up in jail by the end of the week.
What? An insurance appraiser will be here in a day or two,
and he's going to see that we brought back a fake.
You wanted to see me, sir?
What the bloody hell happened at the payoff?
I told you. I killed her. I killed the both of them.
For a dead woman, she certainly fills an evening dress.
She and Wolfe brought the painting back. You realize I'm screwed now.
I'll get it back. It's being appraised the day after tomorrow.
Then we saythey're the ones that switched it.
They came up with the forgery.
Clean yourself up.
You're bleeding all over the Savonnerie.
Do you really think she'd set all this up? I know how her mind works.
Have you forgotten Bologna already?
Bologna? What'd she do to you in Bologna? Amanda did it to her.
I guess imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
- I think flowers would suffice. - Oh, you think she'd send you to jail?
- She's tried before. -Oh, not very charitable, Amanda.
Charitable? All right. Here's your charity. The reward.
But the painting's a forgery.
So I'd spend that check as quickly as possible.
Jade didn't do it.
What's this? Internet? It's a Loomis Financial Services.
Everything you ever wanted to know about Sir Trevor Benton, and then some.
Fighting a hostile takeover on one side. Plummeting stocks on another.
And getting royally divorced in between.
Three hundred million in assets. Four hundred and fifty in debt. I'd cash that check soon.
So he donates the painting to the museum and gets the write-off...
and something he likes even more: millions in free publicity.
And he keeps the real painting for himself.
Which he silently sells on the black market.
But he's afraid the museum's gonna find out it's a fake,
so he hires Jade to steal it, and then he screws her.
Nice work. Very nice.
One question: Does he still have the original?
Well, there's only one way to find out.
This isn't confessional now, so I'll be off. Where are you going?
To buy a new roof.
Son of a bitch. It's the Ravelli.
It should be conveniently located--
Aha! Here.
What tipped you off? About the painting?
Would you believe my great love for the arts?
Hold this, please. No. Okay.
The signature was perfect Ravelli.
Of course it was Ravelli. He painted it. Yes, but he didn't sign it.
Why not? What? A forgery? Theft?
Would you believe deadline?
There's a green wire--
Antonio had a big piece due for a show,
and every decent model was in the south, partying with Picasso.
Really?
Ah, that's beautiful.
So we had a couple of drinks, and I posed for him.
And this is something you didn't feel a need to mention before?
What's to mention? One drink led to four bottles,
and Antonio passed out before he signed it.
Allo? Allo?
Monsieur Ravelli, are you there?
Next morning, the movers were at the door.
Allo? Allo?
What choice did I have?
Poor darling needed to do well.
So you signed it? The real Ravelli has a forged signature?
Ah. No, no, no. Ah.
Ravelli.
Why don't they put these things together right?
Is there anything else you've failed to mention?
Yeah. We have exactly 23 minutes.
Let's go.
Monsieur.
Uh-oh.
Whoa. Okay. Now she's asking for it.
-You're cheating! - Go fish.
What the bloody hell are you doing in my study?
Go fish. American card game.
I think it was first played in the American Gold Rush around 1888...
in the Double Eagle Saloon in San Francisco.
Two of a kind. You're a winner. You're bloody trespassing.
Trevor, you invited us.
Invited you? You're insane.
Are you missing something, Trev?
No.
Anyone care to explain what's going on?
Well, I think it's his whole hotel business.
He's overworked. He's a little forgetful.
So he invited you? To discuss what?
Art. What else is there?
You know, national treasures are stolen, forged.
Can't be too careful.
That's what we always say. You should always know what you have.
Like these cigars, for example. They're Cuban, right?
Now, what if they were just cheap imitations with fake labels? What would you do?
- I wouldn't smoke it. - Ah, but you might sell it.
Okay. Did you or did you not invite them?
It's all right, Inspector. It's my mistake.
Yes. Yes. Look. There it is.
Saturday night.
Quite silly of me, really. Silly.
Thank you so much.
Okay. Go fish, huh?
Go fish. Merci. Au revoir.
- Okay. - Au revoir.
Would you look at the time! Mmm. Mmm.
You know what? We're gonna have to go.
Yeah. Let's reschedule.
How about the rose garden tomorrow at 5:00 p. m. ? Perfect.
And, um, bring the money. Lots of it, darling.
Going somewhere?
Forty-five minutes late, Hemmon.
This time when you kill them, do try and find a way of making them stay dead.
Sorry I'm late. I broke a nail.
Stop. You're making me cry.
A gun. How original. Do you know how to use it?
Where's the painting? Wait a minute. I'm confused.
Is it the fake painting in the real museum...
or the real painting owned by the fake millionaire?
I can clear that up for you.
So good to see you again.
She's never gonna show.
She'll show. Trust me. It'll be okay.
Trust? Jade? I made her an offer.
One she couldn't refuse.
Good evening.
- Well, good evening. - Ah.
May I help you out, sir?
So this is how you get into a locked room.
Left over in the Reign of Terror. Jeffrey showed me how to get in.
My Jeffrey? No. The other Jeffrey.
Oh. Nick, we're in.
Are you okay? Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
Let us know when you're clear.
Twenty million-dollar painting. Ah.
Yeah. And we're putting it back.
Almost indecent, isn't it? Practically tragic.
Antonio would want you to have this.
He was quite fond of me, wasn't he?
Yeah. Why wouldn't he be?
Can you believe the two of us doing this together?
Fifty-fifty?
Nobody'd have to know. You know what I mean?
Do you really want this hanging in your house?
No. No.
Wait a minute. Don't connect the blue wire--
I've done this before. No. I'm serious.
I think I've done this before. But I--
Guys! Anytime.
Are you sure this is the right one?
I'll know who to look for if it isn't.
There you go, Trev. Now you have both your paintings.
Adios, amigo.
Moving on to phase two.
Okay. Come on. Come on. Let's go.
Let the games begin.
Here's to my new roof. Thanks, Amanda. Hmm. You're welcome.
It says here that Sir Trevor was caught breaking into the Mus? e des Arts last night,
trying to replace an original with a fake.
Imagine that. I'm proud of ya.
You know, you were right. Of course I was.
About what? You're nothin' like her.
Mmm. Darling. More champagne for you?
By the way, what's up with Nick? Meaning?
I passed him on the way in. He was in the-- In the tuxedo thing?
Yeah. He mumbled something about "a deal's a deal. " What's all that about?
Well, I have my ideas. Do you indeed?
I do. Tell me.
So, what do you see?
I see...
a very expensive evening.
It cost me $20 million.
Of someone else's money.
Do you think Amanda knows you're here?
I suspect she does by now.
Well, that's worth 10 million right there.
Mmm.
Have you ever considered teaming up with an extremely attractive,
somewhat larcenous Immortal?
I already have.
Hmm.
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Subtitles ripped by Ziina